Opinion Articles

SOUL MATTERS: Rich marriage tradition is not about riches
By Fr Barry Tunks

For almost forty years, as a priest and registered marriage celebrant, I have had the privilege of sharing the preparations and wedding ceremonies of hundreds of couples. Some have been young, some older and others in their final years of life. Their ceremonies have taken place in parish churches, grand cathedrals, family homes and gardens; in the depths of forests, at ‘wedding venues’, and in hospitals. Some couples have been extremely poor; for others, money has been freely spent. They have celebrated with prayer, word, song and even liturgical dance.

All have been invited to make a donation according to their means and very few have not been generous. (By the way, no one has ever donated to our parish or ‘been charged’ $18,000 or even $6,000 for a “traditional church wedding”.) With donations generally around $150-200 (a few parishes ask for a contribution to church costs from people who are not parishioners), our parishes are certainly not ‘in it for the money’.

As I read The Herald last Monday, I was left wondering what the author of the report actually meant by “a traditional church wedding”. I know that when I participate in wedding ceremonies as the Church’s witness, I do so against the background of a rich tradition. At times, I even muse about that first recorded marriage in our liturgical history over 1600 years ago. The young man was Julian, the son of the Bishop of Capua. He married the daughter of the Bishop of Benevento. I have no idea what the festivities cost.

Over the years, the church has developed a rich understanding that marriage is a gift from God, a sacrament. Catholics understand that the man and the woman marry each other, as they express their consent before the Church. The sacrament is not the result of anything the priest or deacon might do, but of the marriage contract itself. Catholics understand that marriage is a lifelong union, open to the creation of new life, and a sign of God’s love and fidelity to all.

Both Church and State urge couples to prepare for their marriage through education programs. Robyn Donnelly, who ministers to couples through CatholicCare, expresses well what people miss when they do not take up this invitation:

“It only takes two days or three sessions to discuss really important life issues about marriage, family, values and commitment. Otherwise, couples miss the opportunity to reflect on what is means to be married. What will their roles be, long term? What do they dream for this lifelong commitment? What are their ‘family of origin’ issues and what impact will these have?

I believe that the nine couples who recently completed a two day program concluding last Saturday are better prepared for the realities of marriage—which is also significant for the children most will have. Stronger families make stronger communities. There are couples—not all of them Catholic—who thank the Church for offering such a worthwhile program to all.”

Perhaps one factor overlooked by Monday’s reporter is the fact that it is easy, but very risky, to overlook the marriage in the excitement of the wedding.

Fr Barry Tunks is the parish priest of Holy Trinity Parish in the Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle. This article is submitted by the Churches Media Association www.cmahunter.com.au

*This article was published in The Newcastle Herald, 13th July 2009