Opinion Articles

SOUL MATTERS: Presence of mind to say thank you is a gift
By Catherine Mahony

When I was young, one of my favourite Christmas songs was entitled “Christmas is for Children”. Certainly in our contemporary society, Christmas is all about children. Santa is everywhere and adults work hard to make Christmas Day as wonderful as it can be for children, often at great financial expense. However, there are emotional and spiritual costs as well when we shrink the focus of Christmas to encompass only children and presents.

There’s a trend in many families these days, to simply buy presents for the children, and not for the adults. While I understand that this is usually a cost-saving choice, it reinforces the notion that Christmas is only about children and presents. And, ironically, maybe the children lose out too when we take this approach.

The stark reality of the materialistic approach to Christmas was really brought home to me last year. A friend of mine attended a family Christmas celebration. She noticed how the children of the host family opened each gift quickly and sometimes somewhat dismissively, before moving on to the next one.

My friend said the children didn’t thank any of the gift givers for their gifts. Knowing the children quite well, she felt brave enough to challenge them: “Aren’t you going to say thank you”?

Their father chimed in, “Forget it! There’s no point in asking them to thank people today. They won’t take any notice. They’re obsessed with their presents.”

Minutes later, when the presents had all been unwrapped and largely disregarded, my friend heard one of the children ask, “Is that all we’re getting?”

I also heard it said last Christmas Day that a family with children decided not to leave their house for Christmas because “It’s easier if we stay home. The kids can play with their presents.”

It might be easier for the parents who won’t have to cope with the children’s distress at leaving their new toys and computer games, but what are both the parents and the children missing out on?

What about the joy of sitting around a table, sharing bonbons, getting to know the extended family, playing real games in real time with real people instead of in the virtual world? What about the excitement of carrying a gift to an adult that your family has brought, and beginning to understand that you really do feel joy in another’s pleasure in the gift you’ve given them? What about teaching them that gifts are about more than the money they cost? What about teaching children that the most precious gifts are the ones that are made especially for the recipient by the giver: home-made gifts and cards, the singing of a simple Christmas song, a play performed by the cousins on Christmas afternoon?

When we make Christmas all about children, when we don’t expect them even to say ‘thank you’ for what they are given, when we don’t teach them the joy of giving as well as receiving, when the presents are divorced from the context of family and friends and the Christmas story, children miss out on some of the most precious gifts of humanity.

Catherine Mahony
Catherine is the Communications Officer for the Diocese of Maitland-Newcastle.