STORY - "All about Harry: Son’s Legacy Arises from Good Grief"

Rabbi Harold Kushner, in When Bad Things Happen to Good People, says, “I am a more sensitive person, a more effective person, a more sympathetic counsellor because of Aaron’s life and death than I would ever have been without it. And I would give up all those gains in a second if I could have my son back.” Rabbi Kushner’s son died at 14, having lived with progeria, a condition that involves rapid ageing and early death.

David and Samantha Meyn of East Maitland have gained wisdom beyond their years after losing their son Harrison, who was diagnosed with a brain tumour at the age of 6, in July 2006. Oscar, now 7 and Campbell, 3, speak often of their older brother and love to draw attention to the photos displayed at home.

As David said, once Harry was diagnosed, “Everything changed.” He took extended leave from work so that the family could spend as much time together as possible. The logistics of caring for three young children, one of whom was having daily treatment, were challenging and David and Samantha wanted to go through it all together.

There was a short reprieve thanks to radiation treatment and the Meyns packed as many happy memories as they could into a period of time that was much too short. With the help of the Starlight Foundation, the family enjoyed a wonderful holiday on the Gold Coast, including a visit to Seaworld where Harry swam with dolphins.

Looking back, Samantha and David are quick to recognise the tremendous support they received from the school and parish community of St Joseph’s East Maitland. “There was never a doubt that it was there, and it was very comforting,” said Samantha.

Family and friends too were unstinting in their prayers, practical assistance and encouragement. Harry was attuned to the sensitivities of those around him, and Samantha and David had to find ways to shield him from a surfeit of sympathy while at the same time sharing the experience. “We were quite disciplined in what people were allowed to say. People would walk in and burst into tears. Eventually we had a note on the door, saying that people were welcome to our home but to please come with a smile,” remembers Samantha.

Harry passed away in February 2007, a month after his 7th birthday. He had lived his short life to the full and left many wonderful memories, but his legacy has not ended there. Remarkably, David and Samantha feel that while they live with many questions, their faith has been strengthened by their loss. David said that “You hold onto hope the whole way through, and try not to look too far ahead.”

Samantha remembers “trying to understand how the world works”, but she says, “I don’t think faith has ever wavered.” David adds, “It actually makes your faith stronger…you want to believe in a miracle and if things don’t work out, you want to believe that there’s a heaven.” Samantha says, “As a family, we talk about that all the time.”
It would be understandable if, after Harry’s death, Samantha and David wanted just to retreat for a while. They have found special days and anniversaries difficult and the memories are always there, but the couple has channelled their time and energy into building on their little son’s legacy by raising funds for charities working for sick children. There have been two golf days under the auspices of the Harry Meyn Memorial Foundation, with proceeds going to Camp Quality and Kids with Cancer (2007) and Cure for Life (2008). As Samantha said, “The community came together to help us, so now we want to give back, in memory of Harry.”

Surely the most extraordinary tribute was David’s decision, supported by Samantha, to walk the Kokoda Track as a way of honouring Harry. A group of 20 that included David’s sister and brother-in-law Alison and Craig Kimmorley, and 1233 ABC Radio’s Aaron Kearney walked in July, raising funds for Camp Quality’s first Snow Camp, planned for 2009. Harry would have liked to see snow…

The commitment of the extended Meyn family to honouring Harry by supporting children’s charities is exemplified by Alison. In 2005 she was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré syndrome, a rare illness that affects the peripheral nerves of the body. It can vary in severity from the mildest case, to a devastating illness with almost complete paralysis that brings a patient close to death. Fortunately, Alison made a full recovery and was determined to complete the trek. In fact, David says, “Ali had no problems, she just kept going!”

David said that Kokoda “was the toughest thing I’ve ever done….I’ve played a lot of sport but that doesn’t come close!” Meeting the last of the “Fuzzy Wuzzy Angels”, the Papua New Guineans who assisted injured Australian troops on the Kokoda track in World War II, was a highlight for the group. “It was good to finish, but then of course you come back to reality and Harry’s not here.”

On returning from Papua New Guinea, the group travelled home from the airport by bus. They hadn’t gone far when the bus broke down. Another was on the way but there would be a significant delay. David was more than ready to come home, so he slipped under the bus, worked out the problem and was able to fix it. While some of life’s challenges are not so easily fixed, the Meyn family looks with hope to the future with a little boy’s smile never far from their minds.

When Bad Things Happen to Good People is published by Pan, 1982.

Tracey Edstein

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