STORY - "From Rwanda with love"
By Tracey Edstein

A popular wedding gift in Rwanda (and also a national symbol) is a tightly woven and lidded basket which is used for storing and carrying grain, money and also, metaphorically, the family secrets. While there is much wisdom in this, it can also be good to share one's experience…

It's in Clare Karibika's nature to get on with life rather than to talk about it, but she graciously agreed to tell her story for Aurora readers. Clare was raised in Scone but now she and her children call the African nation of Rwanda ‘home'.

Clare is one of Rosemary and Tom Lavelle's nine children, and the couple has eighteen grandchildren, nine of whom live overseas. Clare and Joel, 9, Joshua, 7, and Eloise, 3, spent several weeks over summer catching up with family and friends here, but by the time you read this, they will have returned to their brand new home in Kigali, the capital of Rwanda .

Clare trained as a nursing sister at a Sydney university, and specialised in intensive care nursing in an Australian hospital. However, meeting Louis Karibika in Sydney in 1991 changed all that. Louis was a Rwandese political refugee who had grown up in Uganda under dictators Idi Amin and Milson Obote because his family, like many others, was driven out of Rwanda. He had come to Australia as a young man to pursue university qualifications in information technology (IT), but his dream was always to return to Rwanda and to contribute in a tangible way to the developing nation.

The Karibika Family

Lest Louis seem a solemn figure, Clare is quick to assure me that his wide smile and keen sense of humour balanced the seriousness of his purpose. Calling his doona “the chocolate wrapper,” and remarks like “I'm going outside to work on my tan,” endeared him to all who met him.

While he lived in Australia, he monitored the situation in his homeland constantly, and when he and Clare married in 1994, they travelled to Rwanda to meet the Karibika clan.

While Clare was struck by the beauty of the countryside, visiting the place where her husband's family had lived was an eerie experience because it was almost deserted. Joining Louis' friends who had not seen their homeland for many years was a joyous occasion, but almost immediately after the Karibikas returned to Australia at Easter, the genocide began in Rwanda.

Clare stresses that while the Belgian rulers shifted allegiance from Tutsis to Hutus, in reality the distinctions between the two were blurred. “They speak one language, they have one culture, they dance the same.” Tribal intermarriage was another complicating factor.

A million Tutsis and moderate Hutus were killed out of a population of eight million Rwandese. Particularly targeted were the educated who might challenge the existing regime. Those who had fled to neighbouring countries (Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Democratic Republic of Congo) and abroad, and wished to return were continually thwarted, being told that “there's not enough room, it's too crowded”. Finally a rebel group including many of Louis' friends decided to return by force. Clare managed to persuade Louis that he would contribute more to his country by completing his studies in Australia before returning.

Home at last
Limited confidence returned in the following years and the Karibikas took Joel and Joshua, aged 2 years and 6 months respectively, to their new homeland in 1999. Clare said “There was a transitional government in place but being the (Tutsi) minority, I had a feeling that we'd only last a couple of years. But things really took off! Every day's a challenge because there's so much to do. And it's still like that.”

Clare had completed midwifery studies because there was little scope for an intensive care nurse in Kigali . When the family moved to Rwanda she and Louis found work in their chosen fields and life was good. “We're all Rwandans – that's been the feeling. A lot of the genocide victims had to forgive and forget, although it's incredibly difficult. Some are living next door to the person who killed their family.”

An intriguing form of local justice through the gacaca or local courts addresses the fact that there are many cases to be heard and significant delays are unavoidable. The gacaca gather people informally and provide the opportunity for victims, witnesses and the accused to have their say publicly. “They close all the shops while it's on to encourage people to attend.”

In the midst of life
The future looked bright for Clare and Louis, Joel and Joshua and a third child was on the way - when suddenly everything changed. Louis was killed in a car accident on the way home from a celebration of the fact that he and two partners had finally established their own business. He was 46.

When little Eloise arrived some two weeks later, her Rwandese name was Gihozo, ‘the consoling one, the healing balm'. Tom and Rosemary arrived and while Louis was farewelled from the Catholic Church in Kigali, friends and family at home held a memorial service timed to coincide with his funeral.

I suspect that most would expect Clare to have recovered from her loss, and from giving birth, and then jumped on the first plane home. However, she and Louis had begun to build their own home, a daunting task in Rwanda, and Clare was determined to make this shared dream come true, even if she had to do it on her own.

Her nursing skills had taken her to King Faisal Hospital where she became Director of Nursing. She had been working hard to introduce greater regulation of nursing qualifications and procedures, and preventative measures. HIV-AIDS is a major concern. The practice in other hospitals has been that the family of a hospital patient brings their food and linen and cares for them as far as possible. While there are perhaps pastoral benefits here, the situation is not ideal in a clinical sense.

Perhaps contrary to expectations, Rwandese women are “a force to be reckoned with” with significant representation in Parliament. One of the factors that made Clare's decision to stay a little easier is the fact that there are many widows raising children on their own. She is a Rwandese citizen by virtue of her marriage and is very close to Louis' family. On a practical level, live-in servants are de rigeur so when Clare is called to emergencies at the hospital, the children can be safely left.

The boys' Rwandese names reflect their parents' aspirations for them. Joel is Rwigema, “strong and independent”, and he was named for the late Gisa Rwigema, who led the liberation struggle to return to Rwanda in 1991. Joshua is Ntare, “lion”, which is also the name of Louis' – and President Paul Kagame's - alma mater.

Apart from the enormity of Clare and the children's personal loss, Clare feels that Louis' death was a loss to Rwanda as well. “He had so much to do! IT was just taking off… now it's becoming huge and he was leading the process.” It was important to Louis that his children learn the local Kinyarwanda language, know their culture and give something towards rebuilding the country. While their home is the tangible sign of the fulfillment of his dream, it will be the children's future that is his lasting legacy.

Meanwhile, Clare is getting on with life, because “every day's exciting!”

Back to Aurora Homepage