STORY - "Let no one put asunder, least of all the church."
By Tracey Edstein.

What happens when the daughter of a Baptist minister marries the brother of a Catholic priest? Or the daughter of an Irish Catholic theologian marries the son of a Scottish Presbyterian minister who is a relative of Rev. Ian Paisley?

No, they’re not jokes, but real scenarios represented at the 11th International Conference of the Interchurch Families Association held in Newcastle in August. While these examples may be somewhat dramatic, they serve to highlight the dilemmas that can arise when someone of firm faith falls in love with someone of equally firm, but differently named, faith.

Interchurch families are created when spouses belong to two Christian traditions. These couples live the joys and struggles of the path to Christian unity. The various Associations of Interchurch Families throughout the world have as their primary purpose the support of interchurch families. They encourage couples to strengthen their own unity while maintaining an active role in two churches. They also attempt to help strengthen the Christian commitment of couples where one member’s attachment to their church has become nominal. A Newcastle and Hunter Branch was formed in 1999.

Couples who come together from different church backgrounds face crisis points:
• telling families; one or both may question or be opposed to the marriage on religious grounds
• the ‘where’ and ‘how’ of the wedding
• baptism of children,
• First Communion and Confirmation
• family funerals.

They have to cope with the ongoing question of worship when their churches are not in communion with one another; conflicting messages from different pastors as pastoral moves occur, and the Christian upbringing of their children when the family is linked with two separate denominations.

Interchurch couples began meeting in the 1960s and there are now groups in more than 12 countries. Issues explored by the Newcastle conference included the implications of “Interchurch Families and Christian Unity”, the document which emanated from the Rome Conference of 2003, the ‘lived experience’, theological implications, celebrating interchurch marriages and ecumenical baptism.

Crucial to all of this is the vexed question of Eucharistic sharing. Rev. Dr Gerard Kelly of the Catholic Institute of Sydney, said, “I think what has emerged is that there is a lot of scope that people in parishes are not even aware of. The guidelines that exist in various dioceses, including Maitland-Newcastle, have been very well received.” The concept of “double belonging”, where each spouse worships in and feels part of each of the church communities, is the ideal, but it is not equally possiblein each denomination. While
worshippers may be welcomed, they may not, depending on denomination, be able to belong officially to their spouse’s congregation.

The children of such families grow up participating in both churches. As Gerard Kelly explained, “They are inclined not to say ‘I’m Roman Catholic’ or ‘I’m Anglican’ but ‘I’m both of those’ so how do you deal with that, at the level of experience but also at the formal level of belonging?”

David White, father of four from Perth and an Anglican married to Susan, a Catholic, said that in his experience, children of the postmodern generation brought up in two churches seem comfortable in all churches. David Armstrong of Sydney, a Scottish Presbyterian and the son of a minister, married five years ago to Fionualla Keane, the Irish Catholic daughter of a theologian, feels strongly that despite the questions raised, there is a “double blessing” in being part of an interchurch family. “When we were getting
married, we felt that we were going through a minefi eld of theological issues, and that gave us a real desire to get involved in Interchurch Families, because we knew at heart that we shared the same Christian faith.”

Melanie and Kevin Dowling of Wollongong married in January, bringing together their Baptist and Catholic heritages respectively. It was through Cecelia Creigh RSJ of Belmont that they learned of the existence of Interchurch Families and they are appreciative of the support offered, firstly by their own families (Melanie’s father is Rev. Phillip Wheatley of Newcastle) and more recently by couples from Interchurch Families.

One decision the Dowlings had to make was whether to have a nuptial Mass. They chose the simple marriage rite so that no one would be excluded from participating fully. The Armstrongs’ situation was more complicated with each family supporting the marriage but holding differing attitudes towards the actual ceremony. “It was a challenging time but our faith grew in leaps and bounds.” The wedding took place on a Monday, so on the preceding Sunday family and friends attended the Uniting Church service in the morning
and Mass in the evening.

Clearly there was a real openness to faith, even if it was named and experienced differently. Young couples like the Armstrongs and the Dowlings are benefiting from the time and energy invested by those pioneering couples who were determined to be seen as a blessing, not a problem, to the churches.

The Conference demonstrated, as David Armstrong said, “Movements like Interchurch Families help to build bridges between different churches.” However, in the words of Gerard Kelly, “We still have a long way to go.”

To learn more, visit www.interchurchfamilies.org

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