STORY: "Out of love, for love"
By Kate Nesbitt.

Pope Benedict recently said that marriage is: “A reflection of the truth about the human person, the meaning of life and the relationship of human beings with the God who created them out of love and for love.”

In a world where two of every three marriages ends in divorce with countless repercussions of pain, loss and grief, it is refreshing to have a privileged insight into the life of a couple for whom 33 years of Christian marriage embody Benedict’s truth.

Greg and Margaret Hickling of East Maitland have just such a marriage. “We are so fortunate to have had a strong example set by our parents,” Greg said, “despite the fact that they were not too well off, both sets of parents were totally committed to having children. Growing up within this experience formed us and inspired us to view marriage as a total and important commitment and gave us a great desire to have children and do the very best for them.”

God and faith are integral to Greg and Margaret’s marriage. In fact, they met at a Young Christian Workers (YCW) dance. Greg belonged to the Raymond Terrace youth group and Margaret to Kurri. Indeed most of their courtship occurred in and through YCW social events. Margaret was only allowed to attend church run social events so this is indeed a marriage made with heavenly help!

At the same time Greg was involved in a scripture group at Raymond Terrace with then parish priest Fr Frank Wilkinson. This group was for young men only, suggesting that Fr Wilkinson may have had another vocation in mind! If any such pressure was exerted Greg did not notice it. “This was like the Lenten groups that we have now but it was a great and rare opportunity at the time.”

The Hicklings certainly take very seriously their commitment to each other before God and settled into married life happily. It took a little bit of getting used to though. The marital home was much quieter than Greg’s family home with his eight siblings or Margaret’s with nine! “We really missed the large family and we went home a lot in those early years,” Margaret said.

It was natural for Greg to be the breadwinner and Margaret to be a full time wife and mother. Once again their Catholic faith provided a strong community for them in raising their family. Not only were their own families very supportive but Greg and Margaret belonged to a Paulian group of about six families who gathered to discuss scripture and current events. Unlike so much of today’s socialising this was very ‘kid friendly’. “All the kids would play together and then crash out on the floor or lounge while the parents discussed a scripture passage or reading about some current event in terms of their Christian faith,” Greg said. “We made some wonderful friends through that group and many are still friends today.”

“God has always been present in our marriage,” Greg and Margaret affirm. “The scripture passage about the lilies in the fi elds has always been a powerful one for me,” Greg says, “and illustrates the difference that God makes in our lives. God is always in the background and knows who you are and where you are. God is there in the background helping out – helping to pedal the bike! Because of that I don’t stress out the way some others do when things get tough. A lot of people want to control their lives to the nth degree, but it’s better knowing that God is here to give a helping hand.”

Margaret sees God present in and through their three children, each of whom has chosen the vocation of married life and has begun their own family. “Having God as central to our lives and to our marriage is a good example for the children,” she says. “God’s love and compassion inspire us and our children are very aware of the importance of God in our lives.

“The children have always been very comfortable discussing their relationships with Margaret and me,” Greg said. “Often they have asked for advice.” Of course meeting the family still held its stresses for future members of the family – like the occasion when a
change of shirt was required to overcome the perspiration suffered at a first meeting!

The depth and sincerity of their Christian commitment and of their marriage was also noticed over five years ago when the parish priest of East Maitland invited Greg and Margaret to become involved in marriage preparation. Despite feeling nervous leading up to the day-long workshops with engaged couples, Margaret and Greg said, “It’s always a great day – even though a lot of them don’t want to be here when they arrive, by lunchtime, there is always a lot of laughter and so often the young couples learn things about each other that they had never thought to ask.” We also try to get along to the marriage ceremony and the couples are so pleased to see us,” Margaret said. “Last time we had a preparation day one of the couples asked us for our tips for a successful marriage.”

Perhaps one of the most beautiful reflections on how happy and effective Greg and Margaret are in their chosen vocation of Christian marriage comes from some comments Margaret receives on the odd occasion when she is not with Greg. “If ever I happen to be walking alone the neighbours always say, ‘Where is your husband this morning?’ – one neighbour even said as she greeted him, ‘Oh yes, I do know you – I didn’t recognise you without your husband!’” Greg and Margaret prefer to be together and say that one of
things that has created and fostered this togetherness is that they share their faith and love God. “For each of us, our faith commitment is very deep and powerful. Sharing in the community life of Christianity increased and strengthened love and intimacy,” they said.

Perhaps a final comment from Greg sums up the joy the Hicklings find in their marriage. Simpler words reflect Benedict XVI’s thoughts: “It’s a wonderful experience being married.”

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